Senior Planet’s “Sex at Our Age” column usually presents one detailed question and Joan Price’s detailed answer. But once or twice a year, she assembles short questions that need only brief answers: “Quickies.”

Quickie #1: Would Vibrator Help Me Orgasm?

I am a woman, 86, married 30 years to a man 13 years younger. We always had a great sex life, but recently it has trailed off and I am finding it terribly hard to orgasm. My husband doesn’t get hard erections, which doesn’t matter, as there are many ways to make him orgasm. When I feel in the mood, he does what I need. I almost get there, but it doesn’t happen. I’ve never used a vibrator —would that help? If so, can you recommend a quiet one? Sex has always been a great pleasure for us, and I’m reluctant to let it go.

Joan responds:

If the problem is that at 86, you need more intense stimulation to get the blood flowing to your genitals and provide the sensation that many of us need, yes, a vibrator would help. I often say that a well-chosen, well-placed vibrator can be the difference between orgasm and no orgasm. Smaller vibrators are typically quieter than larger ones, but I’d need to know more about your specific needs to recommend the right one for you. Read “How to Choose a Vibrator” to get started. (For an online consultation, contact me.) I also suggest you plan weekly “sex dates” rather than wait until the mood strikes, because regular sexual activity makes arousal easier.

Quickie #2: No Orgasm in 5 Years

My wife has difficulties reaching orgasm. I absolutely love giving her oral pleasure, but for more than five years, I haven’t been able to get her to orgasm. What can we do or use to make her more sensitive again?

Joan responds:

You’re assuming that the problem is lack of sensitivity, but maybe it’s that she’s not getting the kind of stimulation she needs, in the way she needs it. Oral might have worked best for her in the past, but as our bodies age, our sexual needs and preferences change. If cunnilingus hasn’t worked for five years, ask her what she needs now. It might be a different kind of lovemaking, more warmup, or the addition of a vibrator. Have that conversation. I invite you to read “How Can I Reach Orgasm More Easily?” together and discuss it.

Quickie #3: Affection but No Sex, Please

Are there men out there who don’t need sex? I’m turned off by sex, maybe due to decades of anti-depressants that have worked well for me. But I am lonely. I want a boyfriend who will cuddle, hold hands, and kiss (no tongue). I am not interested in reviving my sex drive or finding out what works for us sexually — I don’t want sex, period. I look forward to enjoying retirement with a partner, traveling, enjoying life. If the men I seek exist, how do I present “no sex” online to them?

Joan responds:

You’re looking for what’s called a “companionate” relationship: one that’s loving and close, with the agreement of no sex. If you use online dating, maybe lead with “Seeking a cuddle partner, close friend and travel buddy who will be happy in an affectionate, companionate relationship.” I suspect it would be easy to find a temporary friend-without-benefits, such as a new widower who longs for affection and closeness but isn’t ready for sex with a new person. I don’t think it will be that simple to find a man who will want to commit long-term to such an arrangement, but if I’m wrong, I hope folks will comment.

Quickie #4: Sex Only Once, But I Love Him

I am a woman, 64, dating a man, 69, for a year and four months. We’ve only had sex once but not because of me. It was oral sex because he will not use Viagra. He has ED and many physical problems. He doesn’t show much affection. We just kiss briefly. He has been married three times, and his last relationship was a traumatic break up. He bought me a vibrator, I guess because he knows that I need to use it. We broke up and now we’re not totally together, but we still go out and I love him. He calls me every night and we get along very well.

Joan responds:

You’ve had sex — oral — only once in more than a year. You’re not really “together,” he rarely shows affection, and he has a bad relationship track record. He bought you a vibrator which you “guess” is because he knows you need one. You need to talk about these concerns rather than trying to guess! To quote sex columnist Dan Savage, the person you choose for a relationship must be “in good working order.” From your description, this man is not. I can’t tell why you’re in love with someone who gives you so little, but I suggest you break ties with him and hold out for someone who will care about your needs and pleasure.

Do you have a question for Joan? Read this before submitting!

• You must be age 60 and above. Be sure to state your age.
• No short questions. Include a clear and interesting backstory: what happened that led to the problem/question?
• Check back columns in case Joan has already addressed your topic. If so, but your question wasn’t addressed, put a new spin on the topic.
• This is an advice column from a sex educator, not a substitute for a doctor or therapist.
• If your question is right for Joan’s column, she will email you directly and select your question only if you respond to her email. After you submit your question, check your spam/junk folder in case your overzealous spam filter captures her email.
• Selected questions will be answered in this public column, not privately. If you want a private answer, you can book Joan for a personal consultation.
• Ready to submit your question? Email sexpert@seniorplanet.org.

Joan Price has been Senior Planet’s “Sex at Our Age” columnist since 2014. She is the author of four self-help books about senior sex, including her award winners: “Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex” and the newly updated and expanded “Sex after Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality after Losing Your Beloved.” Visit Joan’s website and blog for senior sex news, views, tips, and sex toy reviews from a senior perspective. Subscribe to Joan’s free, monthly newsletter.